I had my first appointment with Pacific Midwifery on Friday. It felt like it took forever to fill out all my medical history and information before I could actually see the midwife. The nice thing was the office felt intimate and unhurried, but it wasn't familiar or as professional as I'm used to.
The midwife seems to think a VBAC will be fine, but I still have to get approval from Maternal Fetal Medicine at the hospital. Hopefully that appointment will be this week. My case isn't cut and dry since I've had two cesareans and last time had atrial fibrillation during pregnancy. This pregnancy has been very uneventful, but the history is there. I didn't ask all the questions I should have. Next time I need to go with a list.
All this feels a bit overwhelming trying to find a new person and place to deliver. I want to make good choices, but sometimes I'd also just like someone to tell me what to do. I told the midwife that I'm also getting set up at The Vancouver Clinic with an OBGYN since I don't have much time left, and if a VBAC with the midwife isn't possible I'll go to a regular doctor. I could tell they didn't quite know what to do with that, so I felt like a bit of an oddity pursuing both at once. I assured them I'd pick one as soon as I have more info. Time is short and making new appointments can take two weeks so I don't really have time to pursue only one, have it fall through, and then set up something new. I'm feeling stressed about it. I just want to make the best decision for the baby and myself
considering my history, but I have to make that decision with risks on
both sides and no guarantees. I'm keeping my mind open to both delivery methods, but I'd like to nail down at least who and where I am delivering.
I feel like I'm on a train without brakes, hurtling toward an unknown destination. As I was feeling distressed about the limited time for all my research and decision making, Davin assured me that if I went into labor without any plan in place, we just go to the hospital and everything will be taken care of. True.