Non-stress Test at 41 Weeks

At 11:00 I had my first non-stress test for this "overdue" baby.  It felt surreal to be standing by myself in labor and delivery waiting for an available nurse. I was taken to triage and then waited for half an hour before the nurse came in.  She measured my fluid and said it was on the low side (7.43).  They like it to be above 8.  Then I got hooked up to the monitors and baby was moving enough that it was a bit hard to keep the heartbeat.  Then I waited and waited.  They monitored me over an hour.  I was starting to get antsy.  Finally the nurse connected with my midwife and I spoke to Patty on the phone.  As I suspected things don't look ideal.  The fluid is low, a section of the cord showed possible signs of compression due to low fluid, and baby's heartbeat kept having little dips another possible indication of cord compression.  That along with two prior cesareans and being a week late means they want to deliver this baby.  Now.  The midwife is willing to let me go until tomorrow or Sunday at the latest.  She said I could get a second opinion, but the doctor would probably want me to go straight to the operating room.  

So here I am at home.  Davin went back to work for the last couple hours of the day to wrap things up for being out the next couple weeks.  I'm waiting until family is off of work to make the calls for childcare and visitors tomorrow.  The plan is to have a repeat cesarean at 10:30 tomorrow morning.  

I'm still wrapping my mind and emotions around it.  I've put a lot of work into trying to have a successful VBAC, but things are not in my favor.  However, I don't want to put baby in any risk just so I can experience the empowerment of a vaginal birth.  But surgery has risks, too, and I'm not looking forward to being cut open again.  On the other hand it's nice to keep things intact "down there" and I've always healed nicely from a cesarean.  

Tomorrow is Dad's birthday.  A grandchild for your birthday is a nice gift!  

The next post will have baby pictures.  

Due Dates Come and Go

Saturday was my original due date and today is my modified due date based on an early ultrasound.  I don't feel like I'm going into labor any time soon.  Of course, one of these days it has to happen.

I had my final midwife appointment on Friday with Patty.  She thinks it's beneficial to strip membranes for several days in a row to get labor started.  There is a risk the bag of waters could break and then we'd have to deliver baby that day.  Another of the midwives, Janelle, doesn't feel membrane stripping does anything.  Baby comes when baby's ready.  Well, I let Patty try, but she said my cervix "isn't favorable."  She could barely reach it and it isn't effaced or dialated at all.  She estimated that baby is still at a -3 station.  In other words nothing is happening.  I opted not to come in for further attempts to strip membranes since I doubt my cervix is ready for that after only a day or two and I don't want to set the timer yet by accidentally breaking my water.  

I have a non-stress test scheduled for this coming Friday at the hospital.  That will put me at about 41 weeks (depending which due date you go with).  Patty said another of my favorite phrases, "We don't want you to go too long."  I can schedule a cesarean any day I want.  Bleh!

I don't like hearing these things again, feeling like everyone's ready to throw in the towel.  Some days I want to, too. It would be so easy.  It could be over and done with.  I could be holding my baby tonight. But I feel so invested in a VBAC already or at least starting labor on my own.  I've hired a great doula, I've been doing physical therapy exercises, perineal stretching, and optimal baby positioning techniques.  I want to attempt a vaginal birth, but it would sure help if this baby would get things moving for me.  

Why do I want a VBAC so badly?  For a few reasons.  I want to know I can do it.  I want to be more involved in my baby's birth not just strapped to a table feeling removed from both the delivery and the immediate bonding with baby.  I want to hold the baby first.  I want to see and feel the moment of birth and that first cry rather than staring at a blue curtain.  Also I don't want a third major abdominal surgery, longer recovery, longer hospital stay.  And I'm not saying we will, but if there is a fourth child, a VBAC will make that easier, too.

We'll see what Friday brings.  Maybe it will show something that will require a cesarean.  Or maybe it will show a perfectly healthy, happy baby that can wait it out a bit longer.  It will be nice to check and see.  Meanwhile I do kick counts and try to be patient.

I wonder if baby wants to come on someone's birthday - Grammy's is Wednesday, Dad's is Saturday, and Grandpa's 90th is next Tuesday.

Labor Conditioning

I've started going to a physical therapist specializing in women's pelvic issues.  I feel the exercises are helping, but I must say its hard getting in 100 Kegels a day!  I feel I can hold the contraction pretty well, but when I'm hooked up to the biofeedback machine I see that I lose it pretty quickly.  

Yesterday she used the biofeedback to get real numbers on labor positions that help me be most relaxed and offer the strongest pushing.  I was surprised that standing was a nice one for me as well as all fours (though my arms would get tired pretty quick).  I also did well with the more traditional reclined with legs up position, but that isn't ideal for baby rotation so I'd like to stay away from that one if possible.

I met with my doula, Amanda, on Saturday and I feel really good about working with her.  She's knowledgeable in spinning babies, which I've been researching.  She's willing to do some positions with me before labor and helped me go through a birth plan.  I'm holding on to my birth plan loosely, but I really want to focus on baby positioning rather than traditional medical labor augmentation.  I also like that she can come over during early labor to help me know the best time to head to the hospital.  I'd love to do as much laboring at home as possible.

So with my physical therapy exercising and baby positioning, I feel I have a full day of labor conditioning.  I'm also doing perineal massage which is not my favorite, but if it helps this baby come out easier, I'm willing to put in extra work for that.  

My kick counts have still been quick and easy.  When baby is sleeping I feel worried a bit because they take about half an hour instead of the usual 5-10 minutes.  So I try to wake baby up and then kicks are just fine.  Davin teases me that nighttime waking a with a newborn will just be payback for my need to have a quick kick count.

We're getting down to the wire.  Saturday is my due date.  I'd love for this baby to come on time!  Still I'm trying to prepare myself for hanging out here for another week and a half or so.  

Pain

About 20 days left.  I should be loving this unique, only-going-to-happen-once time with my baby.  There are moments I love feeling him or her twirling, stretching, and kicking inside, but more and more I'm feeling done.  When this little one is awake it's constant motion.  My body is not my own.  

The worst of it by far is my pelvic pain.  I don't like saying my pain is bad, but really there are times it's severe.  And it's getting worse.  By the end of the day I shuffle across the room and sometimes have to stop completely to catch my breath.  It's brought me to tears. Laying down only helps if I don't have to move... at all.  I can barely roll over in bed, walking and getting dressed hurt, and last night trying to hang curtains in the nursery I couldn't lift my leg to step on a low stool.  The pain was too intense.  Any motion where I'm moving one leg at a time is excruciating.

I did talk about it with my midwife yesterday, and she said I could go to physical therapy, but I'm unfamiliar with my new insurance and have to figure out if I need an official referral or not before I can go.  She wasn't worried about it affecting labor, but I am.  It's that bad.  Today I'm icing mid-day whereas I usually I can get by without needing that until evening.  

20 days.  Hopefully relief will come quickly after delivery.