First Outfit

My mom gave me our first little girl outfit for Christmas along with some pink ruffled socks.  My sister-in-law, Aurora, also gave me some pink booties.  It’s our first pink stuff! 

I try to imagine having her on the outside and it still seems so foreign to me.  There’s only one Studer baby and that’s Desmond.  Okay, so he’s not a baby anymore, but I can’t wrap my mind around having two children yet. 

I know we’ll figure out life with two kids as it comes, but I still can’t help but wonder if I’ll love her and be attached to her just as much as I am with Desmond.  I know the answer is yes, but it’s hard to imagine.  I also wonder if Desmond will feel left out, replaced, or loved less.  He won’t have my undivided attention nearly as often and I know I’ll have to be intentional to give him quality one-on-one time during naps and stuff and involve him in taking care of little sister. 

I’ve also been thinking about nursing and how hard it was the first time.  I’m anticipating that it could be just as hard this time around – I don’t have any grand notions that it will somehow all go beautifully.  But this time I have Desmond’s needs to tend to as well so I can’t focus my entire day on nursing, bottle feeding, pumping, and repeating.  If I do need to pump I don’t know that I’ll be able to keep it up very long.  Only time will tell.

Today is 22 weeks!  I’m feeling so big already.  I love feeling her move and I think she’s more active than Desmond was, but maybe I just don’t remember.  The other night when I was trying to go to sleep she had the hiccups and it made me smile.

Thinking of Our Little Girl

Yesterday I had fun doing some things for our little girl.  Desmond “helped“ me look through all his 0-12 month clothes to pull out everything yellow and green that little sister can wear.  I have more neutral stuff than I thought, but it will be nice to add some pink and purple to that pile!  Desmond also oo-ed and ahh-ed over the baby toys that I’ve long since retired from his toy box.  A couple of them are back in the toy box.

I also started a Target baby registry since I know I have at least one little shower in the works.  Unfortunately most of Target’s stuff online isn’t in stores so I really need to go in to a store to make my list.  I’m not sure I want to do that with Desmond’s help so who knows when that will happen.

I wish I could start setting up the nursery stuff and paint the walls violet, but we need to put in Desmond’s carpet first before we can move him out of the nursery.  And before that we need to pay for the roof so it’s kind of a chain reaction waiting to happen, but in time we’ll get done what we can.

Today’s the Half-Way Marker

 

Looking familiar!  I’m getting bigger, but in comparison it looks about the same as I did at 20 weeks with Desmond.  I’m enjoying feeling her move around all the time.  It’s a daily thing now, and I wonder if she’ll be more of a mover than Desmond was.  Yesterday I had the first big kick that made me go, “Whoa!” and probably could have been seen on the outside if I was looking.

I feel more relaxed this time around.  I’m not pouring over What to Expect When You’re Expecting or worrying about every twinge I feel.  We’re not signed up for a birthing class though we’ll probably take a one day refresher course through the hospital at some point.  I want to be prepared for a VBAC or cesarean if I need one again.

The one book I have been reading is the name book.  I want to put together a short list for Davin and I to look over together.  Last time we read through the whole section of boys names on date nights at coffee shops and the airport, but we don’t have as much time together these days.

I’ve been knitting a blanket since shortly after I found out I was pregnant, but it’s taking me a lot longer than it took me to make Desmond’s blanket.  I’m only about half way so far.  I also bought another quilt kit just like Desmond’s beloved blanket except in pinks and purples.  That will be fun to put together!

It feels great to be half way through as of today!  Davin and I were just discussing how it still feels like it’s taking a long time even though they say the second one just flies by.  I bet it will feel a bit shorter at the end when I still have a long list of things I never got done before my due date.  We have more planning to do this time, too, because we’ll have to find someone who can take Desmond for a few days at a moment’s notice and make sure he’s packed for that as well as us being packed for the hospital.  It’s going to be interesting!

It's a...

Girl!

It's official. We had the ultrasound yesterday and it felt like Christmas morning getting to finally peak inside the present. I felt like I was carrying a girl. I never had a feeling one way or another with Desmond but this time was just different. If I had been wrong it would have taken some time to adjust to the idea of a boy, but still I think it would have been great for Desmond to have a brother close to his age. He'll be great with a sister, too. He's already talking about how he'll help me with the baby. I grew up with three brothers and have a son so this will be new territory raising a girl. Bring on the pink!

Thoughts on Life

I had MOMS group today which I've been attending since February. The speaker talked about the godly legacy his wife left for him and his kids after she unexpectedly died last year. Then in our small group sharing there were stories of miscarriages and such. A word to the wise. Never say the word "fat" to a pregnant woman and don't tell horror stories of babies dying or nearly dying no matter how interesting you think it is. Anyway, it made for a rather emotional morning. I'm left thinking about death: both my miscarriage and the fact that if I were to die Desmond wouldn't remember me. All things out of my control so I guess there's no point in worrying about it. My second baby was due December 28th... just about 3 weeks away. Ah, how nice it would be to only have to wait another few weeks rather than 5 months! I'm feeling the baby move more and more which is comforting. Davin's even felt it. Tomorrow we get to peak inside and find out the gender. Hurray!

Nearly 18 Weeks

It's been awhile since an update mostly because things are just cooking along and there's not much new to report. I still forget I'm pregnant sometimes. Yeah, my belly is a good size and I feel small movements now and then, but my days are mostly focused on Desmond and housework and I don't think about it much. I'm excited for December 3rd when we get to find out the gender. I want to move ahead with nursery planning and looking at names but we'll wait on that until we know boy or girl.

I had a checkup on Tuesday this week. Desmond kept talking about putting Jell-o on the baby because he remembered the gel they use with the Doppler from last time. He was telling the nurse and the doctor all about it. He pulled his chair up to the exam table so he could "help." It's fun to see him get into conversations and things to help with the baby already.

Monday will be 18 weeks. Wow, almost half way! I've gained about 20 pounds already which I'm not thrilled about, but maybe I can keep to just another 20 which would put me ahead of last time. I've been thinking about joining 24 Hour Fitness down the road so I can do some water aerobics and other workouts while Desmond is in childcare, but it's hard to fork out the moo-la so we'll see.

Week 14

Ah, I've finally made it to the second trimester! Only 182 days to go. Back in September when I was feeling nauseous all day, every day, November seemed like a long way off. There hasn't been a magical switch from feeling icky to feeling great, but I have gradually felt better... except for my back. It's been feeling worse and the doctor referred me to physical therapy so maybe that will help.

It's still strange to think that soon there will be two! I'm still feeling a bit nervous about that. Desmond wants me to play with him pretty much non-stop all day and that will have to change with a newborn around. I'm also nervous about delivering the baby and breastfeeding - neither of which went how I wanted them last time. At least I feel more prepared for how hard it can really be.

Perinatology and a Peak Inside

Today I had my first perinatology appointment. The fun part of this was that they did another ultrasound. Wow, how the baby has changed and grown! He/she looks so perfectly formed whereas just four weeks ago you could barely make out general head and body blobs. I could see the arms and legs, the cute little head and beautiful beating heart. The baby was quite active and moved all over the place. He/she was face up most of the time but also ended up on his/her tummy and stood straight up at one point. Davin and Desmond were both there and it was fun to show Desmond the baby in my tummy rather than just say it's there. I also think it's starting to sink in a little more for Davin that we have another child who will be keeping us up at night very soon.

I learned last time that my uterus is tilted to the back and it made it a little hard to get measurements today. We measured from lots of different angles and the consensus was that this baby is due sooner than the first ultrasound showed. The first ultrasound showed that I was due May 7th. Based on my last period I'm due May 2nd. Today the baby measured older still with a due date at the end of April. I'm very happy to see that baby has grown so much in the last four weeks! The heart medication I'm on can hinder growth, but so far this baby's trucking right along. The doctor decided to stick with the May 2nd date which works for me. I don't want to expect this baby too soon and have everyone (including myself) freak out when I go past my due date. But I also want to have a vaginal birth so baby, don't get too big!

The conclusion from today's visit was that baby and I are both healthy and should have a normal pregnancy. I won't have to see the perinatologist again unless something happens, but I do need to keep taking my heart medication. During labor the doctor also recommends that I get an epidural to help keep the stress on my body and heart lower. I'm not too bummed about that because I know from experience what heavenly pain relief there is in an epidural. Thankfully I'm not considered "high risk" although I'm on the edge and they want to keep an eye on the baby's growth. I'll probably have an ultrasound every six weeks or so to check up on things. The next ultrasound will probably be the big gender reveal. Boy or girl?

It's fun to compare pictures from last time to this time.

First Hello

The other day I was laying on the couch talking about the baby and Desmond comes over unprompted, leans over my tummy and in a cute little voice says, "Hello." I got a little choked up hearing Desmond talk to the baby for the first time. He's going to be a good big brother!

Today I'm pretty sure I felt the baby for the first time. Two nights ago I thought I was feeling a few flutters, but I wasn't sure. As I was driving back from the zoo today I definitely felt a rolling sensation. I know the baby's only about an inch and a half long or so, but they say second time moms can recognize the movements sooner. Still it's really early and Davin's doubtful I could feel it yet, but I like to think that this period of feeling my baby is starting sooner.

My lower back is hurting today. It's been painful getting up and down off the floor playing with Desmond. I have some lower back issues now and then and when I was pregnant last time it got pretty bad at the end as my ligaments loosened up. Not too happy about the pain starting so soon.

Turning a Corner

Into week nine and I'm starting to feel better. I've tried ginger tea and ginger chews for my nausea but I think the B6 is what's really helping. Either that or my hormones are leveling out and this is when I'd start feeling better anyway. Let's just say I'm glad to have those four weeks behind me! I'm looking forward to feeling the baby move. Right now I don't "feel" pregnant other than a slightly bigger tummy, and it's comforting when you can feel the little kicks and hiccups and stuff.

I already have a little baby bump and I've made the switch from trying to hide it to trying to show it off. I gained five pounds rather quickly but I've been maintaining that weight for several weeks now which makes me feel better. I should start exercising again. It's so easy to put it off, and now I have a cold which is making me feel all achy.

I'm realizing my one-on-one time with Desmond is limited. What a sweet time these two years have been! I want to maximize our time for the remaining seven months and make some fun playdates and outings with him. I also want to find some good kid's books on welcoming a new sibling to the family and start reading those with him.

A Rebirth

Here we go again! I am nearly eight weeks pregnant so it's time to resurrect the blog. My first pregnancy was fairly uneventful but baby #2 is spicing things up in more than one way. First off, I miscarried in May 2010 so this is really my third baby. Other than that huge difference here are some others:

• I'm sick! Morning sickness struck two weeks ago and is still going strong. It ebbs and flows all day and though I haven't actually thrown up, I can't seem to find anything to really shake it. Ginger tea helps a little.
  
• Can I really be showing already? My less than firm belly is already pooching out, and I'm trying to hold off on pulling out those maternity pants. I was ecstatic when I started showing with Desmond. This time it brings tears.
• This little bean is measuring smaller than where I think I'm at whereas Desmond measured big the whole way. At least this way I might actually give birth before it's 12 days past my due date.
• I'm seeing a perinatologist and a cardiologist next month and may actually be considered high risk since I went into atrial fibrillation last week and spent two days in the hospital. I'm also on heart medication that can lead to a low birth weight baby, but since Desmond was 9lbs, 6oz I'm hopeful that I may have a little wiggle room on that.
• Chasing around a toddler brings all new challenges. Desmond has started to say his tummy is sick because I'm saying that all the time. I feel bad when I just can't find the energy to play chase. We're watching too much TV, but I hope the second trimester will bring fresh energy. I have a long list of things I want to accomplish before this baby arrives.

For the first time ever the fleeting thought has crossed my mind that I may not want to do this a third time. Of course, time will tell and you can't make that kind of decision on a bad day. God is gracious in providing our family with this new life, and I know he will provide for all my physical and emotional needs.